A Tale of Two Lobsters

You thought we were going to use a pun in there, weren't you?

Back in the day when we talked about your garden-variety lobster we spoke generally of its coolness, and how it should be respected for its rarity. And now if you didn't have enough to appreciate of these stellar crustaceans we bring you the sneaky wonder of nature and what she sometimes does when she's bored.

Lobsters are generally dark-toned creatures, with varying hues of brick to twig to clay. However once in a while (we're talking 1 in 30 million here) you get a pretty great variation:


The Yellow Lobster, or Fiona, to the right is a super-rare mutation. There are few cases in life when it pays to be a freak and she happened to win one of those uncommon chances. Being one of just a couple ever caught she happily (well, as happily as lobsters can be in a tank) dwells in a tank of fellow lobsters which are primarily blue.

Blue lobsters? Yes, blue lobsters are also a rarity (which makes us wonder how this restaurant is catching all these uncommon species...) equating to approximately 1 in 2 million. Being crayon-colored works well for these creatures since they are predominantly kept as "pets" in either restaurants or aquariums and spared the inevitable prospect of being someone's dinner.

Nearly every time a uniquely colored lobster appears we fall in love with it for its combination of rarity and quirkiness. It results in a few small news articles and very rarely release into native habitats. We're fans of leaving these curious creatures alone in their native habitats. There's something really interesting and heart-warming about seeing the ocean's creative side, and we'd like to admire from afar which is safest for us and them.

Plug for River Monsters - Animal Planet you owe us one

And now for an unpaid endorsement of Animal Planet's show River Monsters.

We like the premise. An eccentric biologist (at least he wants us to think he's a biologist) / extreme angler (we think that means crazed fisherman) travels to remote areas of the world to track down underwater urban legends. We're talking the King Kongs of the Amazon. Or India. Or Taiwan. Or wherever he happens to be.

Donned in his flip flops, linen shirts, and manning unusually nice "fishing" gear (you know, the kind you walk into Bass Pro Shop to get when you tell the sales clerk you're looking to reel in your garden variety manta ray this weekend), Jeremy Wade braves Deliverance-type environments that make you just want to scream with fear of catching seven different kinds of diseases.

Wade first scouts out a "deadly" species of freshwater fish, generally it's one that grows to significant proportions and has had a rap for terrorizing non-scaled humans. He then gives a background of the most gruesome stories and promptly hops on his boat to hunt down the "monster. This is where the show kind of breaks down for us.

Many of the species showcased on the series are indeed large, scary-looking critters. And some of them are surprising - you never think a catfish can grow big enough to eat a small child, but hey...people in the Amazon sometimes get careless with daycare. What we don't like is the sensationalistic approach of demonizing a species, witch-hunting it down, and then catching/wrestling/marveling at it like Steve Irwin.

We especially don't like Wade actually yanking the subjects out of the water, suspending it on his boat and then chit-chatting about it while the poor animal gasps for breath. Case in point - the piraiba. Upon dragging it out of the river, Wade discusses the noises that catfish is producing - awful gulping/croaking sounds indicating its need for oxygen. You fool!

What we do like about the show is it showcasing how little we still know about our waters, even fresh. We think so rarely about the aquatic life that thrives in any body of water, and how certain species are learning to adapt between fresh and salt. It's also fun to see fish with teeth, fish without teeth, and species that we had no idea would even think of going upstream. We'd far prefer for Wade to discuss the aspects of what makes these river species so large, so rare, or so mysterious. There is very little biological history, process, or discussion added into these episodes. Rather it's generally edited to be man vs. beast with man usually winning for no clear reason.

If only AP would drop the whole angler-angle we'd be far happier campers.

Holy Crap

Or at least that's probably what the shark thought:

We're no Angela Lansbury, but we can only assume the aquarium workers couldn't seriously think the sharks were just running away. When you discover less and less sharks in a contained area, wouldn't you want to maybe observe for awhile before your entire stock of dogfish disappear? We can only imagine how horrified the workers must've been upon discovering the sharks weren't just hocus-pocusing ala Harry Potter style into thin air.

Piranhas of the Carribean

Actually, that'd be a misnomer. Piranhas are freshwater fish. And not to be confused with the near-academy-award-winning film of the same name, piranhas are actually camera-shy and not very good actors. Many aquatic species tend to be named on lists, especially given our ever increasing environmental sensitivities.

The piranha happens to be blacklisted. In some states it's illegal to own, sell, or breed these fine-finned fellas. The late night image of your pet piranha biting your hand off during feeding time is pretty much just a late night vision. But then we'd ask why you'd stick your hand in the tank with a known meat-eater. In the early days, explorers used to tell stories about droves of men being lost to large schools of piranhas. Chances were they might have been nipped at but certainly were not dragging bloody limbs out of the water.

Piranhas, while both a hunter and a scavenger, will most prefer to be a scavenger. After all, the easiest meals are the ones that float to you, dead. They are typically small in size, but what we consider small can be a linebacker equivalent in the fish terms. Growing to several inches (usually 10" at the max), these fish are traditionally found in warm fresh water locations like South America. Coloring can vary, but not by great degrees. They generally have a dark, silver alloy coloring on their backs and a lighter, sometimes fiery, coloring on their bellies to ward off potential attackers.

Overall, their behavior is a lot like their cousins. They swim in schools for protection, hunting, and socializing. So the next time you see a piranha, just know that he's probably more scared of you than you are him. Except that he has sharper teeth and could probably take off a finger.

February is for Gouramis

February is that time of month when we cut out red paper hearts, buy lots of flowers, eat tons of chocolate, and of course suck face. But we're not the only inhabitants of the animal kingdom that observes such a romantic holiday. In fact, gouramis do it more and often better.

Commonly known as the "kissing fish", gouramis are tropical freshwater fish. The male fish know how to treat a lady to a good meal, they not only eat vegetation but they dine on insects as well making them omnivores. These fish are not typically pink, rather they are usually green. Pink makes them look more lovable, especially given the "puckering" look of their mouths. But don't be fooled - gouramis are not necessarily all lover and no fighter. The development of the protruding beak related to how gouramis meet, fight, and eat.

And in keeping with the kissy-kissy mentality, should you decide to adopt a gourami pair be prepared for rapid reproduction and growth. These fish don't mess around, they like to round the bases immediately, appropriately so for this month of love. Show the gouramis your love by not eating them, or their cousins, this Valentine's Day.